Just What I Needed...

The nice thing about being single is that I don't have anybody hanging around and talking in their sleep; nobody to bother me, wasting my time because when she's standing oh so near I kinda lose my mind.
The down side is that I don't have anybody who is just what I needed...

If you don't know the song I just paraphrased, you're too young...wanna go get cofee with me?
LOL - just kidding, Kiddo!

That's Cars, "Just What I Needed."

And it's true: women cause men to lose their minds.
Now that I'm single, other than taking the occasional quarterly break to post a blog here, now and again - I have all this time to myself to do everything I need to do.
On the other hand, I have all this time alone...
With nothing to do.

Don't get me wrong, I get all my home projects done.
I get all my cleaning, grooming and "cat time" (servitude) in and everything is caught up.

But I miss throwing the Day-Timer (another old man reference!) out the window and hanging out with "her".
Watching a random movie, hanging in the park, sitting at a coffee shop and people watching.

I miss the random moments - when I kinda lose my mind.
You know those moments...
When women don't know they're being watched.
Women are natural then, their guards are down.
They're sooo beautiful.
They don't have the put on smiles, they're focused on something else.
Some chew the inside corners of their lips/mouths.
Others twiddle their hair.
Some nibble or simply pick at the ends of their hair ("I'm looking for split ends!")
Most are just blankly staring at the TV, computer, phone, book, etc..lost in that momentary thought.
It's that random moment, whatever and where ever that makes the guy's heart do a double thump.
Lumps form in his throat.
Dust gets in his eyes.
You women only know this moment because out of nowhere your men come up and give you the best hugs/kisses, long hugs & kisses without being prompted or asked.
You may even get the, "You have any idea how much I love you [dear]?"

Yeah, those moments.

No, I don't miss those.

I don't miss a good woman, somebody to appreciate and love.
Somebody I can get on my knees and thank God Almighty Himself for, every moment I'm alive.

No, single life is just what I needed...

Yeah, I'ma Single Guy.

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm dead.

I have red blood in my veins and nothing gets that blood racing like a good woman.
Well, I'm male so let's not lie.
Just about any woman gets my blood racing.
But that wasn't the point.

This summer the fashion was as little as possible.

The shorts were so short and tight that they were almost reclassified as briefs.
And the skirts were so short that they were more like handkerchiefs wrapped around and didn't even cover their smiles when they walked!

Well now for the Fall/Winter the fashions have warmed up a bit.
Now gals are wearing black panty hose as leggings slash pants.
And boots: cowgirl boots, knee highs, thigh highs, CFM, etc.
But wait, I glossed over the panty hose.

The "top" fashions are form fitting shirts, sweaters and coats that come to about the belly buttons.
So when these gals are wearing their panty hose pants, that's pretty much all you see:
Shirts and boots!

The panty hose is skin tight, ultra thin and getting to be almost sheer.
To the point that even the dark black hose still reveals that you can't even wear dental floss underneath.

Too much detail?
I agree.

Let me let you gals in on a little secret that juding by those clothing choices may not really be a secret.
That outfit isn't attractive, it's sexy.
What does that mean?

Attractive is the woman I eventually take home to mother and marry.
Attractive is what makes me want to take you out to dinner, movies, meet my friends, etc.
I find the women to whom I'm attracted, sexy.
But I don't find sexy women attractive.
Sexy is what makes me want to do wild monkey manuevers all night.
Things that I'm embarassed to talk about the morning after or even the split second before I saw you in that outfit.

Men see you half neekid like that and their blood starts pumping to all the wrong places.
I admit that those women are in great shape and that you can see all the shape they're in.
And I can truly appreciate those shapes.

But it's not attractive, it's sexy.
I look at those women with entirely different thoughts.
Thoughts that are putting me in the wrong frame of mind to consider anything other than where all my blood is racing.

I may just be getting old or conservative or I'm just growing wise and settled enough to know better: Aged and experienced enough to admit that while the female form is beautiful, it's best appreciated alone together and that there are ways to reward that behaviour which encourages it.

Blah, anyway - I'm off to the outside world to feel dirty and pervy just because I looked someplace other than at my feet and saw all the naked women parading around me.

Yeah, I'ma Single Guy.

Sing, Sing A Song...

The nice thing about being single is that there is nobody to give me grief about the songs I sing, the notes I miss and all the music I love!
The down side is that I have nobody to sing to.

I love music, I love to sing and I love to love.
Music and romance, music and love - music and life go hand in hand.
I've been DJing since I was a kiddo and I grew up to all the greats, all the classics.
All the old country love songs, all the southern rock love songs and even some of the newer stuff.
I heard it said that nothing new can be said that hasn't already been said in a song.
I believe that!
It seems that everytime somebody says something to me or I'm about to say something, a song pops into my head that goes with the saying.

And love songs...
My voice makes cats want to commit hara-kiri!
But I love to sing to...well...since I'm single there is nobody to sing to.

There are two songs I imagine myself singing and dancing to at my wedding.
I want hear/sing, "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers & "Forever & Ever, Amen" by Randy Travis.
I want to play my guitar and sing my heart out at my Bride.
And see how long I can go before the water works burst and I can't hold my composure.
That's Love I tell ya!
Then at our 25th anniversary I wanna look my wife in the eye at our celebration and sing and dance with her to George Strait's, "I just wanna dance with you."

Music and love go hand in hand and I love music and love.

But you know, I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Nobody is going to tell me I'm not going to sing that at her wedding.
Nobody is going to give me grief for my lack of vocal skills.
Or about my eclectic music taste.

Yeah, I'ma Single Guy.

Hey - What's The Rush?

The nice thing about being single is there's no pressure to just get down to business and have sex right away.

I know, right?
I'ma Single Guy and I'm saying, "Hey! I really don't miss all the Single Guy sex!"

Seriously, I'm straight.
o_O

C'mon admit it, you loved it too when we were younger and the thrill of dating wasn't about sex.
I loved going to movies, drive ins (yeah - I'm old!), going to malls, parks, shows, dinners, sports events, etc etc etc.
It was all about the conversations, the long letters, long phone calls.
Late night chats.
Getting all excited being with her and making out like teenagers (there's a reason that saying is what it is!)
Remember being on Cloud 9 just lying on a blanket by a lake (for me it was the beach) in the middle of the night, holding hands, staring at the stars, talking about crap that seemed important back then?

Who doesn't love sex but...

I'm not 17 anymore.
This is 2010 - folks no longer court, date, get to know one another.
It's all about how quickly they can get plastered and laid.
Boring!

Being single I don't have that pressure of having to have sex.
But neither do I get to enjoy all the romantic stuff; all the good stuff.

Yeah, I'm a Single Guy.

What The Heck Is That Smell?

The nice thing about being single is that my place smells clean...
Like Clorox, Lysol, Pine Sol and FeBreze.
The down side to being single is that my pillows, my shirts, my shower, my life doesn't smell all fragranty and flowery.

Guys, you know that smell.
When a gal first gets outta the shower, she's got that shampoo, soap, lotion smell.
All flowery, light, fragrant and fresh.
Then they take little spritz of pretty, light, powdery something on their wrists and a puff in the air for them to walk through.

There's nothing like throwing on a dress shirt, getting to work and smelling her frangrance.
Why is it that women love to wear our shirts?
Not that there is a single guy alive who minds it, we love catching that random whiff of you throughout our days.
Makes the heart grow fonder...

And buying my own girly perfume and spraying it around the house and on my shirts is no different than giving yourself a hickey.
Tacky to say the least.

But hey, at least I can tell when it's time to clean - when it no longer smells like cleaner!
Yeah, I'ma single guy!

Baby You Can Drive My Car...

The nice thing about being single is that you can drive any old which way you please...
The down side to being single is there's nobody to keep you company when you're driving.

Oh you can sing and scream until you're heart's content when you're alone in the car.
And boy oh boy can you save time by not having to stop and ask for directions every fifteen minutes.

But Lord it really sucks when there is nobody to share that great view, those wild and exotic towns and scenes.
Nobody to find good music for you or sing for you (and with you of course) when the sun goes down and you're trying to stay awake.

And there's nobody to teach how to use the stick.
Why is it that women don't know how to drive a stick these days?

While I don't miss that foot slamming on the invisible break every time I stop too quickly and too close to the car in front of me, I do miss the company that single guys don't have when they drive around town or around the country side.

But hey - I'm saving gas and money not stopping overnight at all those cute little bed and breakfasts!

Hi Ho Hi Ho - It's Back To Work I Go...

The nice thing about being single is I can work late on projects - no family to have to rush home to.
The down side to being single is that the boss expects me to be the one to stay late so the rest of the office can go home to their families.

I guess you can call that job security, right?
And if nothing else, the boss is helping me to remain single by keeping at work, working from home and working me seven days a week.
I don't have time for a social life!

Then again I don't have time for the family either.
They're kinda getting sick of only seeing me, dead tired, on major Holidays.

By the way, my Outlook Calendar doesn't work as it should.
Anybody wanna volunteer to remind me when birthdays and anniversaries are coming around, buy gifts for me to send and make cards as well?
The pay is non-existent and the hours are crappy but hey, there just may be a few free dinners in it for ya!
Of course you'll have to call in those delivery orders for the dinners as well.

HEY - I work too much to have time to cook or take us out to eat.
I think all my to-go menus are over there on the fridge.
Can you grab the Chinese one please?

Thank you.

Friends In Low Places

The nice thing about being single is that I get the house to myself.
The down side to being single is that I am alone in this big house.

Ok, so I share it with my cat and yes, he does own 75% - or at least thinks he does!

When a smoker quits smoking, the habit is usually replaced with some other oral fixation.
When I quit dating, I filled my social life with friends.

Problem is after ten years they are all getting married off and some are even on their second!

Nothing like a 40 year old single man trying to make new friends to fill his need for companionship.

So at the end of the day I have to send all my friends back to their families and I'm left alone.
I'm reduced to hanging out in virtual worlds online with weirdos.
For all I know, I'm actually one of them by now!

God help me...
I have friends in very low places.

I'm Single Therefore I Am

Where does one start when introducing himself to the world?
I'll begin with, "Hello."

My name, for the sake of the Blog is The Single Guy.
I'm forty years old and single.

Single by choice mind you.
Being single and 40 is no simple task.

There have been and are family, social, career and emotional considerations at every turn.
The worst of it being that I love Love.

I love being in love, loving and being loved.
"You're nobody 'til somebody loves you," right?

Maybe - but this nobody is somebody too.
And that somebody is The Single Guy.

Hello.
And welcome to my little Window.